Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
