We won't sleep together?
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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