nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
