Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
