Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
