Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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