She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
