He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
