just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
