Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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