how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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