i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
