One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
