what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
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