True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
