Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
