Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
