Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
