The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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