How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
