nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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