i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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