moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
