if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Only a mothe r could love this liver
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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