when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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