my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
