The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
