Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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