I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
