Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
