He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
