i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
