I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize