Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
