i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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