wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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