i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
