just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
