Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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