is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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