I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
