discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How does one acquire holy water?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
