i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
