How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
