Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
