best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
