i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
