I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He did a backflip because drugs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
