Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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