took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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