walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I will be naked everywhere
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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