Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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