Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
