Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
