only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
