i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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