I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
