i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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