First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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