It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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