i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
