That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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