She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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