i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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