Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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