yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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