I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
