Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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