Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
